It has recently come to my attention that I've got work to do.
(Duhhhh....because the work is never done, right? Just always evolving as your grow and expand)...
But the work that lies in front of me is not at all what I thought it was.
I've got a lot to let go of. A lot to forgive myself for.
Specifically around money.
And sex (thank you Kat Loterzo for the nudge to talk about THIS one openly!)
Lots and lots of deep, juicy layers of built up regret, shame and guilt that are crying out for peeling.
And it's all good, right? Because this is just what it takes to live a life on your own terms.
You do the work every day.
You peel the layers.
You face what comes up.
There are certain things in the way of money and love that I have been telling myself I'm ready for, for the better part of the past year.
And then feeling like I want to tear my eyeballs out, because no matter what I DO, and no matter who I BE, that shit ain't coming.
Not yet anyways.
I've been doing a lot of journaling on receiving and allowing and surrendering lately and how it all ties in.
I've been exploring how we can actually be super resistant to coming into alignment with the thing we desire to create.
We may think we are really truly going all in, and giving our everything to the divine mission of making that shit happen, and creating the money, the love, the success.
But our efforts and our complete obsession with it, can actually keep it from us if we are struggling with it, forcing it, shoving it down, and essentially, doubting the very presence of it that already exists in our lives.
The truth is that the Universe ALWAYS supports our desires, but will not give us anything that we aren't fully tuned into yet.
Meaning: if you're constantly at war with money, you're not tuned into the abundance that you already have, therefore keeping the abundance that you really want, at a distance.
When you want so badly a dream that you can't stop thinking about and you tear up at the thought of having it and you wake up for it, sleep for it, breathe for it, eat for it, work for it, pray for it, journal for it, etc --- chances are at one point or another you've felt like you're at your dead end.
That you're not actually sure if it's going to happen. You've been working SO HARD and for SO LONG and it feels like nothing's gonna give.
This is the point where most people give up, but if you're tuned in (and you want it bad enough), you'll see now that you have a choice.
To have faith.
To hand it over.
You're going to have to be willing to RECEIVE the thing you've been working so fucking hard for all this time.
You cannot receive when you're "making it happen".
You cannot receive when you're doubting the possibility of it.
You cannot receive when you're denying the presence of what already is.
I understand how hard it can be.
Shit, I'm there right now.
It feels like the final level.
Ride or die bitches.
It's now or never.
I get it.
The truth is, that it'll NEVER be the final level, because with every dream manifested, comes another desire and the cycle continues, and thank goodness because isn't this what makes life so crazy amazing??
There are days (80% of them) when I wake up and wonder if I'm actually certifiably insane.
There are days (99% of them) where I ask myself - who the fuck do you think you are to want this, create this, lead with this, message about this, sell this, teach this.
If you think you can escape the insanity and have a life beyond your wildest dreams, think again.
If this was easy, EVERYONE would be doing it.
There is NOTHING easy about putting yourself out there, living life by your own design, being your own boss, and constantly working on evolving self.
And the amazing thing is that if you can stay the path. If you can willingly put yourself into the fire. If you can stay the course when you feel like you're going to shit your proverbial pants. And be willing to do that every single day for the rest of your life, then you've got a chance.
And with that, comes this.
You'll get to the point, again, where you're going to have to have faith. You're going to have to trust this.
All of it is possible.
Let it happen.
Surrender to it.
Let it in.
Release to it.
Stop fighting it.
Surrender to it.
It's safe to own it.
To claim your space.
I've been so inspired by all the badass women who are crushing it online right now who are not just committing to going in all day, every day, but who are no longer available to give 300 fucks what anyone has to say about it.
So this is me surrendering to it.
I'm a badass coach.
I'm a fucking leader.
I am crushing it online.
Money flows to me easily and effortlessly and THAT IS OKAY.
I am committed.
I am genuine.
My clients are crushing it.
I do the freaking WORK.
Who I am, right now, in this moment, is ENOUGH. Always have been, always will be.
My dreams are HERE.
I believe in myself.
I surrender to what's next.
I forgive myself for all that came before this.
It is safe for me to create massive financial abundance.
My making even MORE money, is of the highest service to the world.
It is safe for me to receive.
I let go.
I am ready to receive what's next.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Phewwwww, BIG exhale.