I've had a situation, if you even want to call it that, come up in the last couple of days, that has driven some old wounds up to the surface.
ALL my old shit, the old fears, the things I thought I had already worked through, are front and center once again.
There's always another layer, you know 😉
Who am I to play with the big dogs?
Who am I to shine my light so bright?
Who do I think I am anyways?
I fear rejection.
I fear abandonment.
I am afraid that I will push people away.
I've seen it happen so many times.
Now, a lot of the work I've done in the past few years has been around friendships with other women, as this was an area that pretty much blew up in my face in 2014 in more ways than one.
I, of course, refused to take responsibility.
I blamed it on "them".
I played the victim.
I stomped my feet and swore them off.
I punched it out in workout classes.
I vowed to never "let myself get hurt" by "women like them."
And all the while, doing my inner work, started to see behind the veil and understand how much of a part I had in it all.
I've done a lot of work around this.
I mourn the loss of those friendships that I once held so dear to my heart.
But now when I think of these women I used to call my sisters, I no longer feel my blood boil.
I feel gratitude and love in my heart ❤️
I really have come such a long way with this.
This year, I set the intention to call in soul sisters. I felt ready to start a healthy friendship. I felt whole and complete. And oh my goodness, I have called in some of the most incredible women. I feel so blessed to have them in my life.
And here is this old shit, coming up for seconds.
And so, like I do with anything nowadays, when I am struggling with something, I go straight to my journal and I hash that shit out.
My message for you today?
It is safe to shine your light really bright.
It is safe for you to own your power.
It is safe for you to step in and say--THIS!!--I've GOT this!!
It is safe to allow in the fact that you are, in fact, one of the "big dogs."
It is safe to open your heart.